Gavin Greig (ggreig) wrote,
Gavin Greig
ggreig

The Pandas of Emancipation

Heroic journalism by the bravely desk-bound Deputy Editor of the Telegraph has exposed a fiendish Oriental plot to violate the blessed sanctity of the United Kingdom. Deadly guided pandas are to be dispatched to the rebel base of Corstorphine on the planet Edinburgh, from where the evil duly-elected leader of the Scotch peasant army, Alex Salmond, will be able to deploy them at will on a wicked charm offensive. It’s believed that the weapons of cuddly disruption could be deployed against English tourists within 45 seconds. Oi, China! It’s a black and white issue; don’t panda to these separatists!

A photograph of a Panda A photograph of Alex Salmond

Alex Salmond

A Panda

Also uncovered in the same story, it appears you can buy Wales cheap, if you fancy it; Benedict Brogan doesn’t.

What an idiot.

Tags: current affairs, events, humour, natural history, scotland
Subscribe

  • Weekend - Peter Pan, Bon Scott and Sydney Padua

    It’s been a while since I wrote, you know, actual words here – nearly six months, which is my longest gap ever – so I thought I’d make a cursory…

  • Tea Machine

    I’ve just spent a week and a half off work on holiday (back to work tomorrow). I didn’t get as much figure-painting or modelling done as I’d usually…

  • This Town Ain’t Big Enough…

    On Friday we were encouraged to come to work appropriately dressed for a Cowboy vs. Aliens Nerf battle.

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 9 comments